Rodents: The Secret Society That Rules the World (The Cheese Files)
We all know them as "oh, what a cute hamster" or "there's a clatter in the kitchen," but the truth is much deeper.
We all know them as "oh, what a cute hamster" or "there's a clatter in the kitchen," but the truth is much deeper. In this article, I'm explaining which galactic federation those tiny friends who collect crumbs in your house actually belong to.
1. Why Do They Constantly Gnaw on Things?
Most people think it's to file down their teeth. LIES. In fact, rodents embed secret Morse code into the load-bearing columns of buildings. Those "tick-tick" sounds are actually coded conversations not with your upstairs neighbor, but directly with the main center on Mars. You'd be surprised how many megabytes of data a field mouse transmits in a single night.
2. Hamster Wheels: Free Energy Power Plants
Have you ever wondered why hamsters spin so frantically on those wheels?
The truth: Those wheels are actually particle accelerators.
The purpose: To boost the Wi-Fi signal in your home and connect to their own dark web (Dark Web). While you sleep, they're watching documentaries, relevant or not, using your Netflix password.
3. Capybaras: This Calmness Isn't a Good Sign
The capybaras, the world's largest rodents, are actually camouflaged for their unusually calm, "I don't care" attitude. They are actually members of the High Advisory Board of the rodent world. The reason they are best friends with all other animals (including crocodiles) is because they collect tribute from them all and are the real barons of the forest.
4. Squirrels and Forgotten Nuts
It's said that squirrels forget where they buried their nuts. This is the biggest piece of misinformation concocted by the squirrel lobby.
Squirrels don't forget those nuts; they use them as organic mines placed at strategic points for the "Great Oak Empire" that will be established in the future. One day, when they all sprout at the same time, you will see how concrete cities collapse.
Editor's Note: After reading this article, be more respectful of the clatter coming from your kitchen. Leaving a piece of cheddar cheese behind might help ensure your safety during the upcoming rodent revolution.
